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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes. The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be. Jerry Seinfeld Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. Jerry Seinfeld A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. Jerry Seinfeld You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Jerry Seinfeld There's no such thing as fun for the whole family; there are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. Jerry Seinfeld My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. Jerry Seinfeld The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. Jerry Seinfeld |