A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table – There’s nothing wrong with them, but it’s hard to stop thinking about it. Garrison Keillor
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. Garrison Keillor
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. Garrison Keillor
A man can’t eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul. Garrison Keillor
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. Dave Barry
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller